I often ask my clients to not pay too much attention to the content of their thoughts, and to stop discussing every doubt in attempt to not validate them. Talking about his ROCD thoughts is really not the answer. Best wishes to you.
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I read the article. But still i have so many doubts. Ours is not love marriage but arranged one.
But everybody said he is so gud so I some how agreed. Coz he is such a nice guy. Our ideology thoughts everything match perfectly. He thinks like me.. All my life I dreamed about a handsome guy with gud qualities. Now im depressed. I thought it will resolve with time. One month passed. After 7. Months we are getting married. Im not in situation to call of the wedding.
Im helpless. What should I do. Do I have ocd? Im totally ignorant. I have never been in a relationship. So all my life I waited for someone. Do you think that I will start having feelings for him. I am suffering. I need help. And he is an average guy. It sounds like in your culture you have arranged marriages and perhaps little experience in relationships prior to becoming engaged, so this may also be a contributing factor to the difficulties you are having.
It could also be a big trigger if you have OCD, since this type of engagement would have a lot of uncertainty embedded in it. If you could find a way to have an assessment with an OCD specialist it could be beneficial. Thanks for the story. Sorry for my English, I am not a native. Last summer I fell in love and a month later we started a relationship. Everything was OK.
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After 2 months I starterd hesitating about my feelings. Of course, that fantastic person did have things I appreciate less. But in my mind everything changed. It was like: If only my partner had not have x, then he would be the perfect partner. I was thinking all the time. I said myself: you have to love everything of him. When I was not with him I was having those intrusive thoughts. But later I was checking my feelings when he was with me. I thought I could fall in love with other, so I was checking my feelings with other men. Than the panics started. I went to a therapist and he adviced to take some time.
Than I thought : do I miss my boyfriend. So I broke the relation ship.
Was it just a question of lost feelings of due the ROCD? He still loves me. What do I have to do?
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Is it possible that the ROCD let disappear your feelings? And yes, this has happened a few time now in other relationships. Hi Mary, It sounds like you were having some obsessions about whether or not he was right for you, followed by compulsions that are performed to answer that question. Since this has been a pattern for you in past relationships, it could be possible that you are experiencing ROCD, however you would need an assessment to be diagnosed.
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Think about being in relationship as a choice to follow your values. Is it your value to share your life with a partner? If so, you can make the choice to be with the person you are with even though you will some moments not FEEL love. You can make a choice to be with this person even though you do not see eye to eye on some things.
Every person in a relationship has to do this every day, but it is more challenging if you have ROCD. You can also decide that you are not ready to choose this current person. Thank you for being available to us! As you can imagine sometimes this makes having a good relationship feel impossible. I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years, and we love each other very much. He sees it, I believe, as something I should be able to fix. Can we get to a point where we can both accept my OCD? Hi Kathryn. In any relationship, I think it is important to know that the other person cares and is trying to make things better that are problematic to the relationship.
I notice with some clients that they may defend their compulsions and continue to do them, at the same time they are asking the other person to accept their OCD. If he sees that you are making your best effort to resist compulsions, or if you accidentally perform a compulsion you are able to identify it after the fact and discuss it with him, he may feel more comfortable. Your continued effort to show him you have insight about it and are working on it may go a long way. Hi Jason. But that thought caused a lot of uncertainty, and you have a history of OCD.
Try to avoid using thoughts and feelings to verify if you should choose to stay in the relationship. This is a compulsion called relationship substantiation.
Love the One You’re With? (…And Other Questions in Relationship OCD)
If you look for feelings you can block them. Feelings of love are spontaneous. Also, if you look for problems you will find them, because no relationship is perfect. This was exactly what I needed to read.
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I went to a public restroom and there was a note written in the door from a girl confessing her love to another girl. That has been my major OCD thought but many others flow around depending on what is causing my anxiety. I am 35 now, and have a good relationship with a man that loves me and cares for me but I am having doubts about my feelings for him and how much attracted I feel. I have never been attracted to any girl. Never even wanted to try out.
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The mere thought horrifies me. Now every night at bed time I struggle with this. Also, do you think that a person with OCD could be able to have a married life? Yes, people with OCD can have very successful lives and achieve many of their goals. Compulsions serve to try to gain certainty about these questions, but they ultimately make you feel less certain and more anxious. Instead of trying to prove that you are in love or not a lesbian, instead ask yourself daily if you are being the type of person you want to be in your relationship.
If you value honestly and thoughtfulness, do the actions of your values and do something thoughtful in your relationship. Live out the relationship and try to suspend figuring it out. Hi Stacey, thank you so so much for writing this article! I feel so relieved to read it and knowing that what I experience is not abnormal and there are people out there that feel the same way!
Thanks again! I read in the comments that you do remote sessions, how does that work? Remote therapy availability depends on your location. My question is about sex drive. Is it possible that HOCD prevents me to enjoy sex and causes low sex drive? In the bedroom I am never relaxed, mostly never present, never had an orgasm with penetration with any man and sometimes unwanted images attack me while I am having sex with my partner. I am experiencing low sex drive and have been avoidant lately.